200 calories so far today.

1 mile run. i'm upset about that actually. i think my ankle has problems. i fell on it last week. 

i'm just tired. headachey. waiting for the adrenaline to kick in. 

i'll update later when i don't feel like absolute shit. 

still here i guess.

i've been gone for so long, and i am so so sorry. T_T 

i guess. i now have to describe a shitton of drama. and then talk about my weight. 

drama first i guess. saving the worst for last eh? 

anyways. in the past couple of months. i have: 

1. broken up with S
2. started dating K 
3. flipped out and thought i was pregnant even though i didn't have sex
4. had K break up with me because S sent him death threats
5. had S attempt to rape me. 

lovely. 

 as for weight. i'm currently 105. i don't know anything anymore. i miss everyone so much. i work out a lot more and ea about 7 to 8 hundred calories a day. i don't know what i'm doing anymore. i'm so scared. 

HOLYSHITTTT. <3

Worrying about stupid things makes one not hungry.

I am currently worried about stupid things.

I am currently not hungry.

A couple more hours until I finish this 24hr fast. Boyfriend wants to get qdoba today, I'll probably just go and get a diet coke.

ahhh. my stomach hurts, but i haven't felt this strong in a long time.

I'm running out of names for titles.

Either way, I feel ridiculously fat.

I haven't eaten solid food since 4pm yesterday. Will this be my first 24hr fast in almost 6 months? We'll seee.

@shadowedskeletons, I love you to death, you're amazing, but for some reason i can't comment on your blog. T_T

I have with me atm, a little over 20 ounces of water, and around 20 ounces of diet ginger ale, a bag of granola, and a rou long( it's basically a steamed bun with a lot of meat in it).

I will not eat. I will not eat. I will cultivate the sparkling hunger and let it bloom. I will enjoy the dizziness, the light headedness the pure euphoria.

I refuse to pollute my body with sugar and fat and bleached flour. I refuse.

i'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry that I went to IP and i didn't get any better.

I'm sorry that I want to get worse.

I'm sorry that I don't want to pollute my body with this impure food. 

I saw myself walk in a mirror today...

HOLY SHIT I AM SO FUCKING FAT YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.

my thighs were rubbing together like nobody's business. they're are disformed and lumpy and WTF FML, FUCKKKK.

i need to get back on track. That's all there is to it. I need control. Beautiful. Serene. Control.

I don't know how much i weigh. honestly, I don't want to know. it's something high. way too high.

I don't know anymore. Everything is spiraling out of control.

i love the perfect clarity of hunger.

what the hell am i doing to myself?

hi guys i'm fat.

and i just finished AP testing so expect to see a lot more posts from now on. yay!